In one fell swoop I lost the promotion I had earned three years before, my title, my office, forty percent of my pay...and of greatest surprise to me, a piece of my identity.
I have never been one to feel defined by their career. Or so I thought. It shouldn't shock me, I suppose. I mean, work IS where we spend the majority of our waking hours, isn't it?
Still, it knocked me off my feet and for a short time, into a dark place. I feel very lucky that it took 36 years to truly experience what depression felt like, and even luckier that it was very, very short-lived. I've always considered myself a pretty positive, happy-go-lucky-everything-will-always-work-out kind of person. Hell, it's my mantra - my husband even says it now. But for the first time, I could empathize with people who experience depression on a daily basis, and it gave me new insight/understanding of what they go through, how they're not able to just pull themselves out of it. I will admit, I couldn't quite grasp that notion before. Lesson numero uno.
Going from being the boss to being an employee, where one of your employees is now YOUR boss is a humbling experience as well. Again, I am fortunate that our small group has been working together so long that we are like a family, and they were all incredibly accomodating and understanding of how I might feel with such a change. But, being on the other side of the equation again did help me to see some of the errors of my ways in being a manager and, at times, only thinking of the good of the company first. While that is of course important, so are the lives each of us lead every day - and sometimes both can and should be considered (and weighed carefully) at the same time. It also helped me to see that each of us are perfectly, imperfectly human, but at the end of the day if the work is getting done, I could stand to ease up and let people do things the way they know how to do it. Also, being in charge is REALLY stressful and sometimes it's nicer to be the employee! I also have the best co-workers in the world and you can't put a price on that. Lessons two, three, and four.
Lastly, and perhaps the greatest lesson I learned, is that my husband and my child think the world of me no matter what my title or status in life. The hardest day, my last day in my old position, when I had to pack up my office and race downstairs to the safety of our truck before I started sobbing, my husband gave me the best gifts he could have...a) chocolate, and b) a card that said he believed in me and knew that one day I would have a new job, a new title, and a new office, or that maybe this was all meant to open a completely different door for me...but no matter what, everything would all work out. Throughout the last few months, he has supported me every single day. Every time I was feeling down, he would scoop me and my deflated, stupid ego up off the floor, dust us both off, and repeat the mantra..."Everything will work out, and even if you don't ever have an office or a title again, as long as you find something you enjoy that makes you happy, that's all that matters."
So, I'm sitting here thinking on a Sunday evening...as I get ready to start my last week at my job on the base and venture into something brand new, I am happy. I am excited for this new adventure. I have no idea if my new job comes with an office, and I truly don't care. I will be excited if I have a window, and anyone who works with me will get that joke.
I am beyond blessed with the family, friends, and coworkers I'm surrounded by. With all of them by my side, I know everything will always work out. I will never doubt that mantra again.
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